Suppressed Read online

  “No. I don’t want any of those things. I want my friend.” I refused to cry. I would not cry. I bit my lower lip so hard and relished the feel of the salty blood that gushed into my mouth. “I can help, if you work with me. Please work with me, Sabrina. Was it Marie? Is Marie behind this?”

  “Oh Dieu! That creepy ghost is as useless as I am!”

  A strange dizziness came over me as Sabrina spoke those words. The air became unbearably thick and moist. Despite the heat, cold chills inched their way up my back as if warning me that I was in way over my head. That whoever was behind this was more powerful than I dared to imagine. The world around me became more vivid as the reality of my situation came into full view. My body became limp and weightless.

  The tragic lament once again filled the air as if inviting me closer into its world.

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant

  Digging the hole; it's me. Burying; it's me (bis)

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant.

  “Arelia,” the voice sang. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I should have known, but I didn’t. I’m so sorry. Please don’t give up. It’s going to get harder and more painful. Oh, I had no idea. No idea. I was too self-absorbed. All I wanted was redemption for my baby. Oh, I didn’t know. I didn’t know. Now, it’s too late. Oh, the pains in your heart are as deep as the ones that lurk in my baby’s heart. They’re equal to the pains in my own heart. Oh, I had no idea.”

  I knew that miserable voice.

  “Marie?” I asked, as my eyes struggled to see through the fog, gnarled vines, and skeletons. What a pitiful group they were, Ghede Linto, Marie, and Sabrina, as they dug graves in perfect synchronicity.

  Wedged between Sabina and Little Linto, Marie appeared tiny, fragile, and nothing like the determined ghost who had previously tormented me to no end. Despite the cloak of mist, she was luminescent and tragically beautiful. Her inky eyes were wide and fearful and her caramel colored skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat which only added to ethereal beauty. Her mane of curls was tied up in a bright purple tignon, and like Sabrina, she wore a black and purple silk gown that was cinched at the waist and fell to her toes. The tiny jade cameos on her bodice gave off an eerie green glow as if they were actually demonic eyes vividly watching my every move.

  Marie nodded. She started lamenting between heart wrenching sobs.

  “All that we’ve gained seems we have lost. How many more rivers do we have to cross? Oh, how many more rivers? Arelia, when can we speak to the boss? When will Dieu give us peace?”

  She abruptly stopped as if she were too scared to sing another word.

  “Marie, I may not be Dieu, but I swear on my life, and every life I’ve lived, and will live, that I will not rest until you and your baby have peace.” What the hell was going on in this cemetery and who did I have to speak to in order to get to the bottom of things?

  “And me?” Sabrina asked, offended that I was thinking about anyone besides her.

  Before, I could say anything; Ghede Linto threw away his shovel. “Non, non! I cannot allow this! I cannot and I will not! NON!” His mask of fear was replaced with anger. Determination filled his hazel eyes as he ran towards me.

  I felt his icy hands grab mine and to my surprise, I felt my feet start to move. “I refuse to be useless in death. I want to be brave,” he said, as he pulled me towards the wrought iron gate which to my surprise was still slightly ajar. “Forget it all! Get away from Darkwood! Be selfish, Arelia. Be selfish for the first time in your life. Think about yourself, save yourself. You shouldn’t carry the burden of the world on your back. You shouldn’t have to be like me.”

  “LINTO! YOU worthless piece of garbage! You’re not leaving and neither are you!” The voice screamed with such force that the tombs rattled and the earth under my feet shook. I lost my balance and landed face first into a pile of rotting red chrysanthemums and bottles of empty rum.

  Determined, I quickly got up. To my dismay, Linto had rejoined Sabrina and Marie, but his eyes told another story. “Run. Be selfish!” he screamed. “The pain will be too much. You shouldn’t suffer for the rest of us. Be selfish!”

  Be selfish? My eyes darted from the tears streaming down Marie’s cheeks, to the blisters that covered Sabrina’s hands. The tongueless group flashed before my eyes along with all the injustices I had seen and felt. My heart was full of unbearable pain and a type of love I never knew I was capable of feeling.

  As I glanced at the ghostly tombs, I realized that Cecile had never gotten a proper burial. I had never gotten a proper burial or any resolution. That unmarked grave I had thought belonged to Lucus, really belonged to me. I was back in another form, but my soul, like Linto’s, Louis’, Lucus’, and Marie’s, was still hurting. I was still sore, battered, and bruised. It was then and there that I realized that by saving others I would really be saving myself. Their redemption would be mine.

  Understandably, most people in my shoes would have ran, lived their lives, and never looked back, but what I had come to learn was that I wasn’t like most people and it had taken me a long time to accept that fact. I now understood that caring about others didn’t make me a pathetic self-sacrificing girl. It made me human. I didn’t want to be like Cecile. I didn’t want to look the other way while others suffered right under my nose. I refused to go down that road again. I refused to be a coward.

  “Erzulie give me strength,” I whispered, as I recounted her chant for power while stabbing myself seven times with a piece of glass from a nearby broken bottle:

  Seven stabs of the knife, seven stabs of the dagger,

  Lend me the basin so I can vomit my blood,

  Seven stabs of the knife, seven stabs of the dagger,

  Lend me the basin so I can vomit my blood,

  My blood is pouring down.

  “I’m so proud of you.” I heard her whisper. “You’ve grown up.”

  I felt her power within me, so I stood firm and tall even though I was tempted to look at my toes, I lifted my chin high. “I’m not leaving them. So you can show yourself and we can get on with whatever bargain you want to make.”

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant

  Digging the hole; it's me. Burying; it's me (bis)

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant.

  Chapter Seven

  Ghede Massaka

  Somewhere on the Other Side

  Present Day

  As those words escaped my mouth, the brilliant stars above my head were covered by thick, angry black rain clouds. Strangely enough, the moon overcame the clouds and grew what seemed like a hundred times its normal size, while transforming into a shade of ghostly white. I recoiled in fear and awe as it continued to expand, scared that it was about to crush me. I crouched and took shelter behind a tombstone.

  “Nice trick!” I shouted. “But I still think you‘re a coward sending a child spirit with low self-esteem to do your dirty work. Show yourself!” I demanded with all the power and authority I could muster under such confusing circumstances.

  I ignored the monstrous moon and got up from behind the tombstone. A high angry laugh filled the cemetery. I glanced over at Sabrina, Marie, and Little Linto. The tragic group started to dig faster and faster as if fearful of what would happen if they stopped. For a minute the only sound there was, was that of shovels hitting dirt.

  “You useless girl. Your crimes will be paid for in full by you and by nobody else but you!” The shrill voice screamed out of nowhere. “I know what you’ve done. I know of all your crimes. You’re unworthy of all the power you have. You don’t deserve any of it!”

  Now it was my turn to say, Oh Dieu and break my vow of being respectful to spirits. Surely, not all spirits were created equally because this one was a major ass. I felt this way because I had come to detest the word “unworthy”. After all I had been through, I had come to the conclusion that only Bon Dieu had the right to decide who or what was unworthy.

  Instead of ranting a
nd giving this spirit a piece of my mind, I controlled my temper by taking a few deep meditative breaths and holding my head up high. “I’m not here to argue about what I am, or what I’m not. All I ask for is your help. I’ll do whatever it takes to set Marie, Sabrina, and Linto free. So, what is it that you want?”

  What happened next was a classic case of “judge not”. While this mystery loa had made itself out to be tough and threatening, the vision that manifested in front of me painted an entirely different picture. I squinted a few times and tilted my head to get a better view.

  “You thought what!” The high pitched voice screeched.

  “I thought…” I wasn’t brave enough to say what I had thought.

  Unlike the mean-faced, permanently scowling woman I had imagined, the spirit appeared in the form of a frighteningly thin, tall, and impeccably dressed androgynous male. A delicate white lace veil obscured his face, while a crisp black shirt and bone white dinner jacket covered his lean torso. A pair of purple silk pants covered his stick like legs and a pair of too shiny stiletto pumps covered his long feet. His claw-like hands boasted perfectly manicured nails in a traditional shade of Ghede purple. In one hand he held a bottle of sweet white rum infused with twenty-one hot peppers and in the other he held a slimy flesh colored sack.

  Eww. I stared at the slimy sack for a few seconds before the identity of this spirit registered.

  “Ghede Massaka?” I asked all the while praying that I was wrong. Ghede Massaka was another angry and vastly powerful spirit who loved to take the form of an androgynous male. I remembered that he represented those women and fetuses who had died during childbirth. He was powerful, ruthless, and on par with some of the darkest spirits. I forced back waves of nausea as I recalled what he carried around in the slimy flesh colored sack: poisonous herbs, plants, and various umbilical cords. The umbilical cords belonged to those souls who were very powerful and should have been born, but died before birth for one reason or another.

  I took a step backwards, there was no way I wanted him to come anywhere near me with that ugly sack in his hand. I stumbled and stubbed my right toe against a tombstone. “Ouch.” I howled in pain which only caused Ghede Massaka to laugh that wicked laugh of his.

  Even in six inch stilettos, he was able to gracefully navigate the uneven earth of the cemetery. I was surprised that someone so rude and vulgar could move with such poise and elegance. The Ghede’s were always so well dressed, that I couldn’t help but feel like a petty peasant in their grandiose court.

  “So, what they say about you is true,” he said with an angry snarl, as he looked me up and down.

  “What exactly do they say about me?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer. Unlike those people who were always positive and brushed away criticism, I knew I would spend hours obsessing over what others thought. It was a lethal habit that I had yet to break.

  He let out a high, condensing laugh while taking a swig of rum and twirling his fleshy sack in the air. “For one, you’re a terrible dresser. You always speak at the most inappropriate time and you’re terribly rude.” His shrill voice drifted from under his large veil.

  “Me? Rude? And you’re what?” I asked, refusing to accept his unfair criticism of me. “The way I see it, you’re nothing but a coward. Hiding behind a veil and picking on spirits with low self-esteem. Are you too scared to look me in the eyes?”

  “Arelia…” Linto’s fearful voice pleaded with me.

  I turned to look at him and saw that his eyes were wide and desperate. Marie and Sabrina didn’t dare look up from the muddy earth, nor did they stop singing.

  Ghede Massaka’s head snapped to the side. “Linto! That whining! What did I tell you? Did I say you could stop singing?”

  Linto immediately went back to digging. His body trembled as he tried to retain what little dignity he had left.

  “Leave him alone.” I pleaded.

  “This is your fault, it’s about you and all that you’ve done.” He stepped closer and closer until the stench of his fleshy decaying sack shot up my nose. The distinct odor of foxglove, gooferdust, anthurium, orleander, and narcissus plants seeped out of the sack, along with the putrid smell of rotting umbilical cords and various other toxic smelling herbs.

  Ghede Massaka’s toxic breath wafted from under his grand veil and shot into my mouth. My knees buckled and my hands clasped around my neck in a feeble attempt to get rid of the stench and breathe in some fresh air.

  “All that we’ve gained seems we have lost. How many more rivers do we have to cross? Oh, how many more rivers? It seems as if Dieu has forgotten about us. We can never speak to the boss.” Marie’s words hung heavy in the night air.

  “Be quiet you!” Ghede Massaka shrieked in annoyance. He dug into his sack and threw a handful of gooferdust around her feet. “I dare you to move, you worthless slave.”

  Marie immediately pressed her lips together. Her fragile body trembled and her silk tignon fell to the ground, but with her head bowed she continued to dig. The gooferdust was a mere inches away from her bare feet.

  “His gooferdust can harm spirits too.” Linto whispered.

  In a rage, Ghede Massaka threw a handful of dust at little Linto’s feet. His feet began to swell and he fell to earth with his mouth agape and his eyes wide and pained.

  Sabrina’s eyes darted from side to side, but she didn’t dare protest. She continued singing and digging.

  I held in my fury, and decided that fighting fire with fire was useless. I would be calm. I would be collected and I would get everyone out of this mess, so I remained quiet reasoning that the nasty spirit would calm down.

  Much to my dismay, my silence filled Ghede Massaka with even more rage. With one swift movement, he turned his attention to me. He stretched his fleshy sack and placed it around my neck. Frantically, I tried to claw off the grotesque material, but it was too tight. In a blind panic, I reached for his lace veil, determined to get a glimpse of his face. I felt my feet lift off the ground and found myself dangling from a tree branch. I fought back tears as a vision of my previous death flashed in front of my eyes and took me back to the dark place I had fought so hard to escape. I felt as if I was Cecile again, fragile, broken, knowing that death was inevitable.

  Beneath me, Ghede Massaka laughed as he glanced up at my body. He was oblivious to my desperate plight, as he drank from his spicy rum bottle. My toes twitched and jerked as they reached for a nearby twig, or anything else that would provide me with enough balance to save myself. By a mere centimeter, I was able to rest the tips of my toes on a feeble twig and for a fleeting moment I felt hope rush back into the very fiber of my soul. I released a few quick breaths and looked at the nasty spirit pleadingly. “Please.” Was the only word that managed to escape my lips. “Please. I’ll do whatever it is that you want.

  “Sacrifice her. Bring her to me and your problems will be over,” he said, as he leisurely sipped from his bottle through a tiny hole in his lace veil.

  Remembering my pact with Ti Jean I shook my head and widened my eyes. I put on my best blank deer in the headlights expression and I pretended that I had no idea who or what he was talking about. I was the perfect actress, or so I thought. I wasn’t going to sell Ti Jean out. I was determined to keep my promise to him. My inner voice was well aware that even though he put on a gruff appearance, he was somehow one of the good guys. I needed to trust him. I was so proud for having confidence in myself and my decision, that an unexpected giggle escaped my lips.

  Unfortunately for me, this decision wasn’t going to have the easiest consequences. When was doing the right thing ever really easy? If it was, I figured that more people would do it.

  Not buying into my little charade, Ghede Massaka ruthlessly snapped the meager twig underneath my feet and I dangled in midair again.

  “This is no time for games!” he hollered. His voice caused the dust of the earth to swirl until several tornado like storms gathered above my head, as if threatening to swallow me wh
ole and toss me into a bottomless black abyss.

  Every ounce of will evaporated and I was left with no choice. I frantically nodded, somehow knowing that agreeing with him silently would be my only option. I quenched my sense of hopelessness by taking comfort in Ti Jean’s words, that somehow all of this would make sense. Besides, sacrificing Emilie to save Marie, Sabrina, and Linto didn’t sound bad at all. It sounded perfect. It was exactly what Mait Carrefour and Papa Lebga wanted me to do. It was like killing two birds with one stone. If I defeated Emilie, I would not only free Lucus and Louis, but also this pitiful group. The whole thing was a little too perfect, which made me a little suspicious.

  My nod of approval made Ghede Massaka jump with delight. The branch snapped and I crashed into the earth below with a loud thud. The sack loosened from around my neck and fell to the earth beside me. Quickly, before I had a chance to reach for it, the sack was picked up by Ghede Massaka.

  I got up and faced the evil spirit. My hands trembled uncontrollably and my knees were weak, but to admit that he had me this frightened would only please him more and the last thing I wanted to do was give him an ounce of satisfaction. “So we have a deal then? If I bring her to you, you promise that all of my problems will be over?”

  “Oui!” he declared with delight. “All of your problems will indeed be over.”

  There was something vastly unsettling about his tone and the fact that I couldn’t look him in the eyes. His arrogance was overwhelming as he casually leaned against a tombstone, straightened his delicate white veil, and dusted off the speck of dust that had landed on his otherwise shiny black heels. I loved the crazy Ghede clan, but this spirit had a malicious streak that chilled me to my very core.